It is a normal
phenomenon that on a daily basis, you encounter people you disagree with,
either at home, your work place or on the social media, having an argument is healthy so long it is not
overheated; although over-heated arguments now occur on a daily basis, because people
don’t respect those the disagree with
anymore. You either speak-up for them or against to downgrade them. Whichever,
it is either you are their best friend ever or their worst nightmare.
This kind of perception can
make it difficult to have productive arguments with people, Moreso if you have a relationship with
these persons. Whereas, you can wave-off online comments; relationship bears a
tie to which you can not detach from easily, for instance, if a family member, co-worker, or even your spouse has divergent views, that he/she
keep reaffirming now and then, what action can you take?
This bring us to the question of how
do you maintain that relationship and
keep your arguments on track without charging at your ‘opposing voice’ every
time you hear them say something you find offensive? What options do you have in
a dire situation, other than attacking or paying a deaf ear?
In this article, we examine some constructive
ways you can engage in an open dialogue with people you disagree with, without
getting into an over-heated argument, or ruffling each other’s feather.
Develop
a positive mind towards the Issue at stake.
You have your opinions, these may be right
or wrong, but to develop a positive attitude towards a dialogue is to come to
terms with the truth that you don’t know it all, hence you are in the dialogue
to learn as well, not merely to force your view on others, have it in mind that
the letter 6 could also be viewed as letter 9, depending on your point of view,
so says objectivity.
Pause for a reflection
During a dialogue, sometimes
you hear something offensive from your
opponent, this can
enrage you, a quick response in such a state can degenerate into an over-heated
argument whereby salient points are lost, and the dialogue becomes useless and
might even result in a fist.
The best way to respond to such a situation
is to pause, take a moment to reflect and recollect yourself; otherwise the
purpose of the argument will be lost, always have a reason for which you engage
in any argument; and keep your mind fixed on that, whatever will derail you
from that purpose try to avoid it. Acting this way you are able to wave away
your angriest emotions and talk rationally as well as listen.
Listen, pickup-up what you can
verify as truth.
However reprehensible
your opponent statement is, there is the possibility that you find some
positive point in them, it’s always good to appreciate these aspect of their
argument you find as truthful. It
allows you to validate their opinion, and gives you and edge over them,
indicating that your disagreement is not a disapproval of who they are or what
they stand for, and by so doing, you can bring the argument back to a normal
dialogue.
State your opinion very clearly.
Having listened and validated their
positive opinion, by acknowledging that you heard them, if need be cite one
element (however little) in their statement that you can agree with.
Next is for you to start enunciating your
points steering the dialogue back towards that place where you can clearly express your opinion. Though
not violently, your dialogue shouldn’t just involve you keeping calm or staying
silent. You honestly need to prove your points as well.